Posted by: Joy | September 23, 2012

1: Self-portrait

This one’s from a couple weeks ago, but is my best recent photo of just me. This is on the anniversary of the start of my juice feast. Still feeling great.

Posted by: Joy | September 23, 2012

30 Day Photo Challenge

Better late than never!

Posted by: Joy | September 23, 2012

2012 Recap and Wrap-up

Since December 2011, when I last posted on this blog, I’ve been, well, living. In addition to work, here are some highlights:

January: I went to the other Washington for a LC internship. It was crazy, and amazing, and possibly the last time I leave my normal life to do something like that for a long, long time.

February: I came home, enjoyed a visit from my dad, one of my sisters, and my adorable 18 month-old (at the time) nephew; and had a birthday.

March: C had a birthday, big conference I’m on the board for, weekend trip to SF for my BFFs b-day.

April: Visited with family, really busy with work, kayaking with C.

May: Traveled to LA with my nana for my cousin’s HS graduation,

June: Followed the LA trip with one to Hawaii to visit BFF for a couple weeks of relaxation and island hopping to three of the islands. Seattle Pride.

July: Marked seven years with C and traveled to Cancun with C to celebrate and attend the international conference.

August: Kidney stones knocked me out for a week, attended an NVC workshop with C.

September: Juice cleanse; friends came to visit and we went to both Portland and Vancouver; visited my nana before she moves to Central Oregon.

On the horizon: another set of friends visiting, lots of NVC and anti-racism work, and next steps toward some future big endeavors.



Posted by: Joy | December 4, 2011

90 Days

I completed my 90 day juice feast. More to come, including a recap and some pictures.

Posted by: Joy | November 26, 2011

Thanksgiving (in pictures)

I juiced the pumpkin and roasted the seeds for C

Steamed green beans, roasted root vegetables (sweet potato, turnip, carrot and purple fingerlings), stuffing, roasted chicken (a whole turkey just for C didn't make much sense) and a lemony gravy

Me with fresh pumpkin and honeycrisp apple juice with spices

Candid of me (see #16 in previous post)

Posted by: Joy | November 24, 2011


For my 28th year, I’ll share my 28 top things that I’m thankful for (right now, this minute):

  1. family — especially C and our dog, Kai, but also my extended, loving and dramatic bunch
  2. health — especially now that I feel so good, am 40 lbs lighter, and have the best body image I’ve had since I was 12
  3. home — that we have one at all, but especially my kitchen and bedroom
  4. work — challenging, fulfilling, and pays the bills
  5. travel — upcoming Whistler in two weeks, meditation retreat in four, and D.C. for the month of January
  6. being able to live openly with the woman I love
  7. hope for greater equality, and movements such as this and this
  8. education — mostly LC and occupational safety related, no matter the topic, I love learning
  9. fresh produce — especially local, organic apples, kale and pumpkins
  10. favorite local market and year-round local farmers’ markets — I know this isn’t the case everywhere and for everyone
  11. juicer — 80 days of keeping me (non-traditionally) nourished
  12. willpower — it’s so impressive and empowering (and I want to read this book)
  13. community — both in-person and online
  14. the internets — especially pin.terest and Go.ogle Reader
  15. being able to keep in touch with friends who live far away
  16. my laptop and its protective gear — new this year and yet still so exciting
  17. freedom of speech and news accounts that remind me of the right and fight for it daily
  18. some new clothes – smaller sizes, better fitting, more flattering
  19. re-prioritizing — I’ve recently re-evaluated and scaled back on some commitments (and it feels really freeing)
  20. trying new things — on the horizon are snowboarding and the trapeze
  21. cooking — even though I’m not partaking in the product, I enjoy the process and look forward to doing even more of it soon
  22. that my wife thinks I’m skinny and doesn’t mind that I wear nightgowns at home a lot
  23. self-care practices and guilty pleasures — the fun and healthy kind
  24. watching television and movies on the computer — I literally can’t remember the last time I watched television live or thought about the time in relation to my entertainment choices
  25. the OCM – cheap, works and it’s like a mini-spa-treatment: win-win-win
  26. flannel sheets for colder weather
  27. a shopping app on our phones that allows us to add and sync and I can check while I’m at the store – no lists to lose
  28. our first (and maybe only) Thanksgiving just the two of us (well, three if you count Kai, which we do) which was even better than I expected
Posted by: Joy | November 5, 2011

Notes from Day 60

Day 60 of my juice feast here, which in some ways feels like a big deal and in others is just another day.

It’s hard for me to fathom that I’m 2/3rd through with the whole 92 day program. I’ve been sharing with some interested folks about this experience and the sentiments include the fact that I feel the best I’ve felt as an adult: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Physically, I’m down over 30 lbs, I have more energy and I just feel “cleaner,” overall just better. I know this process has made a big impact on my overall health specifically in terms of my b.m.i. and toxic load, which are directly related to my pre-conception goals. This was a big motivating factor going into it and has kept me focused as I’ve seen results.

I hit a point a week or two back that my weight loss became noticeable to others. It was funny because I was asked about it a few times within a few days which resulted in a joke to my inner circle that it must have been the 30 lb mark where it became noticeable.

Around the same time, I realized that my clothes (specifically my size 14 pants) where suddenly it seemed just ridiculously big on me. So, in desperation one morning I pulled out some seven-plus-year-old don’t-think-I’ll-get-back-into-but-I’ll-optimistically-hold-onto-anyway size 10s CK jeans (with no stretch) and hesitantly put them on–only to find they fit. This made me realize that I had to go out and buy new clothes, in smaller sizes. Fortunately, I was able to do so with my awesome little sis, who was so endearing in her amazement of my physical changes and complimentary of my new body in some new size 8 (with a bit of stretch) jeans.

I’m still doing acupuncture twice a month and have added back in more exercise and physically supportive things for self-care and rewards (rather than food, which I used to use). I’m also meeting with a potential new personal trainer this weekend, much less boot-camp and much more fitness I’m looking forward to that.

My wife as taken to asking where her wife went and calling me skinny, which I’m not,* but comparatively it’s been a big change.

Mentally, I feel more alert and clear-headed. In the past my memory has been a real challenge for me and I feel that it’s been much less of a topic of joking and/or frustration between C and I recently. I’m currently taking a bunch of l.c. related prereqs including occupational safety, med.ical documentation and nutrition (especially interesting/challenging because it’s based on the US.DA model) and while my penchant for procrastination is still there, my ability to focus and get through the material is a great benefit right now with the mid-term deadline looming.

The mental changes related to my physical body have also been noticeable. One example is during the aforementioned sister shopping trip I tried on a size large in yoga pants only to find that I am no longer that size that I’ve worn for years. It was mind-boggling I suppose my mental changes have been slower than my physical changes and my mind has not fully “caught up” with this new version of my physicality.

Emotionally, I was really concerned as I’ve had issues with food intake (or lack there of) impacting my mood. I feel that juicing has been a more steady form of calorie intake (it generally takes me awhile to finish off a quart, so it stretches out the intake time).

Usually at this time of year, as we head into our rainy season, I feel slower and lower emotionally, but this year I’ve embraced fall and the coming winter and haven’t felt the panic of potential seasonal affective disorder.

Feeling better physically has also had a great impact on my body image and self-esteem. This feels odd to say/write, but I’m really proud of myself and feel confident that if I can do this, I can do almost anything to which I set my mind. I’ve been told that all my life, but now it’s tangible.

In terms of my relationship, I feel more content and more open. The amazing support of my unbelievable wife is more than I could have asked for, and humbles me. Her kind words and reassurances keep me grounded.

Spiritually, I have a hard time describing the changes, but I guess I can sum it up by saying feel more calm. I’ve begun to re-introduce yoga and meditation. I made the decision a few weeks back to do a 10-day mediation retreat in December and I’m really looking forward to the intense focus on my internal workings. While I view this experience has having a holistic impact, I know that it has been more body than mind/spirit, and I see this as the next step in my journey.




* I’m still technically overweight with a BMI of 25 as of today. It’s so crazy for me to realize that in a couple more lbs I’ll be within the “normal” range for bmi.

Posted by: Joy | October 22, 2011


Today is 46 days into my juice feast. I’ve been really quite about it (not just on my blog-where you may have noticed I’ve be “quiet” for months, but life in general). Only recently have I started sharing this with those beyond my immediate circle. The program I’m (mostly) following is 92 days (the same one as the former Farmer Femme), so if I am to complete it, this is the halfway point. When I began this journey, I didn’t plan on going for 92 days, hell, I didn’t plan on making it to 30, or even 10. I doubted my ability to stick with something like this. No chewing, no protein, no sugar, no carbs – no way, I thought to myself. But, I also had a great deal of motivation.

My primary motivations were/are detoxification and weight loss. Concern about my toxic load –especially as I plan on creating, growing and nursing future children, as well as the way my weight could adversely impact my chances of conception, a healthy, low-risk pregnancy and increasing my chances of having a low-intervention birth. I can’t begin to describe how much those things mean to me and therefore I’m willing to do whatever I believe will help me get closer to those goals. Lower toxins, a lower bmi, and more confidence, that’s what I was seeking from this experience.

These motivations were what got me through the first two–well, to be totally honest closer to three–weeks of hard-core detox. The day I started, September 6th, I had already been exposed to a cold (C also got it) and the next day was CD1. So, I was sick with a cold, menstruating and detoxing all at once; not ideal. Cleansing is not always easy, but compound it with those other factors and I was seriously questioning myself and what I was doing. I knew however that quitting wasn’t going to really help (in the holistic sense) and I decided to keep going. I knew going in that after the first three weeks it often got easier, and that was my experience as well. Right about day 21, I felt different, lighter, cleaner. I was in a rhythm and my body has gotten used to this new stage.

Now, at Day 46, I feel great. Really #^@&*%$ great!

‘s coming up slightly more now that the weight loss is more noticeable and now that I’m more immersed and more confident, I feel able to respond to the range of questions and comments. When I share this all with others, I am met with shock, incredulousness, concern and admiration. The most common question is how long am I going to continue, and my response has been, as long as I’m feeling good. (I usually leave the 92 day thing to myself, as it further compounds the more negative end of the response spectrum.)

Greater attention to my body, exactly what I’m putting into it and how I feel throughout the day has been interesting, challenging and rewarding. I’ve slowly started to increase my physical activity (in moderation and deference to my energy levels), which also feels good. I have of course continued my acupuncture treatments biweekly (in the every-other-week sense of the word) which I love, love, love. (In fact, I saw LNL today and every time it reaffirms how great she is and how much I need this.) Before I started the scariest thing for me–other than the idea of “failure”– was how I would deal with attending bir.ths (I generally live off nuts, dried fruit, oatmeal and adrenaline while at one, and they can last for days). I’m happy to say that I’ve developed a system that seems to work for the three I’ve had so far and I only have one more client for whom I’ll be on-call.

On the horizon: returning to the gym, more yoga, focused meditation practice and taking it all day by day. And, maybe some more regular blogging…

Posted by: Joy | April 3, 2011

Day 3 – Your first love

This challenge topic is an appropriate one considering that I’m spending time with “my first love” right now, as that person is actually my best friend, D. The short version of our history is that D and I met in the fall of 1998 when I moved into the neighborhood that he grew up in and because of our proximity two streets apart, we rode the same bus to school. I knew the first day I met him that I wanted to get to know him, but it took awhile before we ended up sitting near and talking to each other regularly. Over time I also became friends with some of the same crowd and then eventually we started hanging out together outside of school. We were friends for over a year and then the following summer (while I was dating some else) the amount of time we spent together gradually increased and it was clear that we were very close. When D said three little words that changed everything, and when I realized that I loved him too, our relationship shifted. (After I ended it with the other guy,) D and I seamlessly moved to the second phase of our relationship, the romance. From there we had an amazing, fun and exciting couple of years that included lots of first experiences, travel and becoming adults. During that time, D lived in London and I went and lived with him for an extended stay that was one of the most memorable times of my life. After his return, our relationship was different and ended phase 2 shortly after followed shortly by his coming out to me. These seemed like two distinct, yet unsurprising things, and we remained friends. Since I had already come out (as bi) almost 2 years prior, we had a new-found openness and connection as members of the LGBTQ community. We’re now in what I guess would be Phase 3 of our relationship, life-long friends, closer in many ways than any other relationship I’ve had in my life. Our early days, romance and friendship are all part of our complex and amazing past that have impacted us both and that I know we both treasure.

Posted by: Joy | April 2, 2011

Day 2 – Meaning behind your blog name

Here’s what I wrote about my blog title when I first wrote the About page:

“The title of my blog is in a sense a play on the phrase “God willing” which is often used to “indicate hope for an aforementioned event to occur in the future,” the event [in this case] being motherhood. While my personal spirituality does not currently include a god-figure per se, I like the idea that godliness=creation:creation=motherhood therefore mother=god. Perhaps my logic is blasphemous, but it works for me.”

I sometimes think about the limitations of the name and I will definitely consider changing it at some point, but for now, I’m fine with it.

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