Posted by: Joy | December 21, 2009

longer

The days are getting longer which, especially for those of us in the PNW, is a big deal.

I feel like I’m between waves. You know when you’re swimming in the ocean and one wave passes and the next has yet to build. I’m on break from school which always gives me a taste of what post-graduation life will be like. This makes the winter into spring temporal distance feel all the more drawn out into the future. I have moments of intense desire to be done, d.o.n.e., with school and onto the next phase in my life. These are counter-balanced by the moments where I am able to revel in the fact that I almost at the point where I can just do research for 6 months and that and my school related job my two big priorities from now until June.

The house also  keeps me grounded. The sheer space and the responsibilities I now feel toward our home and the life we’re living and building in it keep me attuned to this new reality. I don’t think it’s completely sunk in yet, but then I remember it all when I have momentary glimpses of possible futures–baby stuff in the green room, children playing in the backyard, cooking big meals and eating in the dining room. My time with C also feels more valuable than ever. Lately, I’ve been feeling this need to be with her, to be near her, to talk to her in a way that re-solidifies our connection on a daily level. The preciousness of our relationship is palpable.

In this in-between swells-ness that is my life until the new quarter starts on January 4th, my mind is wandering more, and I’m letting it. I know I need to finish my quarterly academic reflection and get my i.r.b application turned in asap or I’ll lose the end of the last quarter momentum. Maybe I should be bracing for the crash of the new year, but for now I’m just trying to enjoy this brief–and perhaps delusional–lull.

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