Posted by: Joy | January 3, 2009

# of children

This week on a message board that I’ve been a part of for awhile but mainly only pop into for a weekly ttc related check-in, the question of fantasy number of children was brought up. Specifically, the number of children you would have in a dream world (where babies come easily and childcare is free) and how this number differs from how  many you realistically foresee having. *If you’d like to muse on this question and share your own answer in the comments, feel free*

As I believe I’ve mentioned before, we definitely want two children via my womb (if possible), then, once they are a bit older we would like to foster (and perhaps foster-to-adopt if it was the right fit for us). But, in a dream world (which to mean in this context means one where I could stay home with them all and/or not worry about income) I think I would want about 4-5 children. That would include 2-3 bio and 2 adopted from foster care.

In reality though, we’re going to take it one step at a time and it’s doubtful the number will be that high. Initially, when we discussed having kids, C said she only wanted one. I have always wanted to have a large family, but we compromised on the idea of two biologically and then fostering later on. So it will more likely be 2 bio kids roughly 3 years apart, then a break of about 3-7 years at which point we would consider beginning the process to become foster parents. We would most likely foster without the intention of adopting, which will perhaps mean more kids over the course of time, but they would return to their families or different forever homes. Although I like the idea of staying open to the idea that a foster child could, under the right circumstances, join our family forever. We will just have to see how it all goes.

My unique family experiences as a child allowed me to be one of 7 on my dad’s side and an only child for 14 years before my mom had one more. So I know how it feels to be one of many, how it feels to be an only child and how it feels to have one much younger sibling. I also know that I want to be pregnant at least once, ideally twice and that I don’t like the idea of knowing it may not ever be more than that. I have always wanted to adopt, and while I used to envision adopting internationally, I know realize that it can be just as meaningful and challenging domestically. I believe I have it in me to foster and then part with a child that needs a temporary home. I know that that is not an easy role, but one that is unfortunately so very needed. It remains to be seen how my reality as a mother will come about, how many children I will have, how our days and nights will be spent, but I know that I will be a mother and that I will love and care for all my children to the best of my abilities.

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