I completed my 90 day juice feast. More to come, including a recap and some pictures.

I juiced the pumpkin and roasted the seeds for C

Steamed green beans, roasted root vegetables (sweet potato, turnip, carrot and purple fingerlings), stuffing, roasted chicken (a whole turkey just for C didn't make much sense) and a lemony gravy

Me with fresh pumpkin and honeycrisp apple juice with spices

Candid of me (see #16 in previous post)

For my 28th year, I’ll share my 28 top things that I’m thankful for (right now, this minute):

1. family — especially C and our dog, Kai, but also my extended, loving and dramatic bunch
2. health — especially now that I feel so good, am 40 lbs lighter, and have the best body image I’ve had since I was 12
3. home — that we have one at all, but especially my kitchen and bedroom
4. work — challenging, fulfilling, and pays the bills
5. travel — upcoming Whistler in two weeks, meditation retreat in four, and D.C. for the month of January
6. being able to live openly with the woman I love
7. hope for greater equality, and movements such as this and this
8. education — mostly LC and occupational safety related, no matter the topic, I love learning
9. fresh produce — especially local, organic apples, kale and pumpkins
10. favorite local market and year-round local farmers’ markets — I know this isn’t the case everywhere and for everyone
11. juicer — 80 days of keeping me (non-traditionally) nourished
12. willpower — it’s so impressive and empowering (and I want to read this book)
13. community — both in-person and online
14. the internets — especially pin.terest and Go.ogle Reader
15. being able to keep in touch with friends who live far away
16. my laptop and its protective gear — new this year and yet still so exciting
17. freedom of speech and news accounts that remind me of the right and fight for it daily
18. some new clothes – smaller sizes, better fitting, more flattering
19. re-prioritizing — I’ve recently re-evaluated and scaled back on some commitments (and it feels really freeing)
20. trying new things — on the horizon are snowboarding and the trapeze
21. cooking — even though I’m not partaking in the product, I enjoy the process and look forward to doing even more of it soon
22. that my wife thinks I’m skinny and doesn’t mind that I wear nightgowns at home a lot
23. self-care practices and guilty pleasures — the fun and healthy kind
24. watching television and movies on the computer — I literally can’t remember the last time I watched television live or thought about the time in relation to my entertainment choices
25. the OCM – cheap, works and it’s like a mini-spa-treatment: win-win-win
26. flannel sheets for colder weather
27. a shopping app on our phones that allows us to add and sync and I can check while I’m at the store – no lists to lose
28. our first (and maybe only) Thanksgiving just the two of us (well, three if you count Kai, which we do) which was even better than I expected

Day 60 of my juice feast here, which in some ways feels like a big deal and in others is just another day.

It’s hard for me to fathom that I’m 2/3rd through with the whole 92 day program. I’ve been sharing with some interested folks about this experience and the sentiments include the fact that I feel the best I’ve felt as an adult: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Physically, I’m down over 30 lbs, I have more energy and I just feel “cleaner,” overall just better. I know this process has made a big impact on my overall health specifically in terms of my b.m.i. and toxic load, which are directly related to my pre-conception goals. This was a big motivating factor going into it and has kept me focused as I’ve seen results.

I hit a point a week or two back that my weight loss became noticeable to others. It was funny because I was asked about it a few times within a few days which resulted in a joke to my inner circle that it must have been the 30 lb mark where it became noticeable.

Around the same time, I realized that my clothes (specifically my size 14 pants) where suddenly it seemed just ridiculously big on me. So, in desperation one morning I pulled out some seven-plus-year-old don’t-think-I’ll-get-back-into-but-I’ll-optimistically-hold-onto-anyway size 10s CK jeans (with no stretch) and hesitantly put them on–only to find they fit. This made me realize that I had to go out and buy new clothes, in smaller sizes. Fortunately, I was able to do so with my awesome little sis, who was so endearing in her amazement of my physical changes and complimentary of my new body in some new size 8 (with a bit of stretch) jeans.

I’m still doing acupuncture twice a month and have added back in more exercise and physically supportive things for self-care and rewards (rather than food, which I used to use). I’m also meeting with a potential new personal trainer this weekend, much less boot-camp and much more fitness dou.la. I’m looking forward to that.

My wife as taken to asking where her wife went and calling me skinny, which I’m not,* but comparatively it’s been a big change.

Mentally, I feel more alert and clear-headed. In the past my memory has been a real challenge for me and I feel that it’s been much less of a topic of joking and/or frustration between C and I recently. I’m currently taking a bunch of l.c. related prereqs including occupational safety, med.ical documentation and nutrition (especially interesting/challenging because it’s based on the US.DA model) and while my penchant for procrastination is still there, my ability to focus and get through the material is a great benefit right now with the mid-term deadline looming.

The mental changes related to my physical body have also been noticeable. One example is during the aforementioned sister shopping trip I tried on a size large in yoga pants only to find that I am no longer that size that I’ve worn for years. It was mind-boggling I suppose my mental changes have been slower than my physical changes and my mind has not fully “caught up” with this new version of my physicality.

Emotionally, I was really concerned as I’ve had issues with food intake (or lack there of) impacting my mood. I feel that juicing has been a more steady form of calorie intake (it generally takes me awhile to finish off a quart, so it stretches out the intake time).

Usually at this time of year, as we head into our rainy season, I feel slower and lower emotionally, but this year I’ve embraced fall and the coming winter and haven’t felt the panic of potential seasonal affective disorder.

Feeling better physically has also had a great impact on my body image and self-esteem. This feels odd to say/write, but I’m really proud of myself and feel confident that if I can do this, I can do almost anything to which I set my mind. I’ve been told that all my life, but now it’s tangible.

In terms of my relationship, I feel more content and more open. The amazing support of my unbelievable wife is more than I could have asked for, and humbles me. Her kind words and reassurances keep me grounded.

Spiritually, I have a hard time describing the changes, but I guess I can sum it up by saying feel more calm. I’ve begun to re-introduce yoga and meditation. I made the decision a few weeks back to do a 10-day mediation retreat in December and I’m really looking forward to the intense focus on my internal workings. While I view this experience has having a holistic impact, I know that it has been more body than mind/spirit, and I see this as the next step in my journey.

 

 

______

* I’m still technically overweight with a BMI of 25 as of today. It’s so crazy for me to realize that in a couple more lbs I’ll be within the “normal” range for bmi.

Today is 46 days into my juice feast. I’ve been really quite about it (not just on my blog-where you may have noticed I’ve be “quiet” for months, but life in general). Only recently have I started sharing this with those beyond my immediate circle. The program I’m (mostly) following is 92 days (the same one as the former Farmer Femme), so if I am to complete it, this is the halfway point. When I began this journey, I didn’t plan on going for 92 days, hell, I didn’t plan on making it to 30, or even 10. I doubted my ability to stick with something like this. No chewing, no protein, no sugar, no carbs – no way, I thought to myself. But, I also had a great deal of motivation.

My primary motivations were/are detoxification and weight loss. Concern about my toxic load –especially as I plan on creating, growing and nursing future children, as well as the way my weight could adversely impact my chances of conception, a healthy, low-risk pregnancy and increasing my chances of having a low-intervention birth. I can’t begin to describe how much those things mean to me and therefore I’m willing to do whatever I believe will help me get closer to those goals. Lower toxins, a lower bmi, and more confidence, that’s what I was seeking from this experience.

These motivations were what got me through the first two–well, to be totally honest closer to three–weeks of hard-core detox. The day I started, September 6th, I had already been exposed to a cold (C also got it) and the next day was CD1. So, I was sick with a cold, menstruating and detoxing all at once; not ideal. Cleansing is not always easy, but compound it with those other factors and I was seriously questioning myself and what I was doing. I knew however that quitting wasn’t going to really help (in the holistic sense) and I decided to keep going. I knew going in that after the first three weeks it often got easier, and that was my experience as well. Right about day 21, I felt different, lighter, cleaner. I was in a rhythm and my body has gotten used to this new stage.

Now, at Day 46, I feel great. Really #^@&*%$ great!

‘s coming up slightly more now that the weight loss is more noticeable and now that I’m more immersed and more confident, I feel able to respond to the range of questions and comments. When I share this all with others, I am met with shock, incredulousness, concern and admiration. The most common question is how long am I going to continue, and my response has been, as long as I’m feeling good. (I usually leave the 92 day thing to myself, as it further compounds the more negative end of the response spectrum.)

Greater attention to my body, exactly what I’m putting into it and how I feel throughout the day has been interesting, challenging and rewarding. I’ve slowly started to increase my physical activity (in moderation and deference to my energy levels), which also feels good. I have of course continued my acupuncture treatments biweekly (in the every-other-week sense of the word) which I love, love, love. (In fact, I saw LNL today and every time it reaffirms how great she is and how much I need this.) Before I started the scariest thing for me–other than the idea of “failure”– was how I would deal with attending bir.ths (I generally live off nuts, dried fruit, oatmeal and adrenaline while at one, and they can last for days). I’m happy to say that I’ve developed a system that seems to work for the three I’ve had so far and I only have one more client for whom I’ll be on-call.

On the horizon: returning to the gym, more yoga, focused meditation practice and taking it all day by day. And, maybe some more regular blogging…

This challenge topic is an appropriate one considering that I’m spending time with “my first love” right now, as that person is actually my best friend, D. The short version of our history is that D and I met in the fall of 1998 when I moved into the neighborhood that he grew up in and because of our proximity two streets apart, we rode the same bus to school. I knew the first day I met him that I wanted to get to know him, but it took awhile before we ended up sitting near and talking to each other regularly. Over time I also became friends with some of the same crowd and then eventually we started hanging out together outside of school. We were friends for over a year and then the following summer (while I was dating some else) the amount of time we spent together gradually increased and it was clear that we were very close. When D said three little words that changed everything, and when I realized that I loved him too, our relationship shifted. (After I ended it with the other guy,) D and I seamlessly moved to the second phase of our relationship, the romance. From there we had an amazing, fun and exciting couple of years that included lots of first experiences, travel and becoming adults. During that time, D lived in London and I went and lived with him for an extended stay that was one of the most memorable times of my life. After his return, our relationship was different and ended phase 2 shortly after followed shortly by his coming out to me. These seemed like two distinct, yet unsurprising things, and we remained friends. Since I had already come out (as bi) almost 2 years prior, we had a new-found openness and connection as members of the LGBTQ community. We’re now in what I guess would be Phase 3 of our relationship, life-long friends, closer in many ways than any other relationship I’ve had in my life. Our early days, romance and friendship are all part of our complex and amazing past that have impacted us both and that I know we both treasure.

Here’s what I wrote about my blog title when I first wrote the About page:

“The title of my blog is in a sense a play on the phrase “God willing” which is often used to “indicate hope for an aforementioned event to occur in the future,” the event [in this case] being motherhood. While my personal spirituality does not currently include a god-figure per se, I like the idea that godliness=creation:creation=motherhood therefore mother=god. Perhaps my logic is blasphemous, but it works for me.”

I sometimes think about the limitations of the name and I will definitely consider changing it at some point, but for now, I’m fine with it.

Hello. My name is Joy. I’m 28 years old, have a Masters degree, live with my partner of almost 6 years and our dog, Kai. The most important things to me are family, education and travel. I feel extremely grateful that I’m able to make a living supporting and educating new and expectant families as a birth and postpartum dou.la and child.birth educator.

Here’s the requisite recent picture:

 

Post hair appointment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby Pineapples!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two for good measure. The first is after my recent hair appointment (my hair is not normally curly). The second was from Wednesday when we went to a local farmers co-op and toured a fruit garden.

And finally, I’m not sure how “interesting” these will be, but here goes:

1. I’m in Hawaii right now!
2. I hate to admit it, but I love warm breezy weather and am not looking forward to returning to the rainy PNW.
3. I love to read and have read more novels in the past 6 months than I did in the past 2 year (due to grad school).
4. My goals this year are saving money, continuing to work on organization/decorating our home and traveling at least once more.
5. We’ve been talking about going to New Zealand and Australia for years and are saving all our frequent-flyer miles toward a trip there.
6. I haven’t been to Asia or South America yet, but want to go to both at some point, specifically Japan, India, Thailand and Buenos Aires.
7. My best friend is moving to Prague for a year this fall and I’m excited about visiting, hopefully next February/March.
8. I miss being in school and have started looking into new educational opportunities.
9. A couple of the programs that I’m looking into are low-residency. Education plus travel seems like it could be fun, or it could be a hassle.
10. My “five-year plan” feels less nailed down than the one from five years ago.
11. I enjoy cooking and want to start baking more.
12. I want to spend more time with my sister. I need to call her and see if she can come visit.
13. I’m looking forward to seeing C in 4 more days. This is the longest we’ve been apart since South Africa.
14. I’ve been doing genealogical research (mainly using ancestry) and it’s been so interesting. Thanks to a cousin who’s done a bunch on my dad’s side, I have as far back as the 1550s.
15. I’m off to enjoy my vacation!

As a way to jump back into blogging regularly, I decided to play along with the challenge posted over at Jen and Tiff the other day. Starting tomorrow, I going to attempt to do a post a day on the following topics (with my own modification of Day 15, for reasons I’ll explain that day).

Day 1- (April 1) Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse Favorite quote
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Favorite memory
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

I’m excited to try this! An similarly to the caveat on their blog, I may password protect a few posts. Same old password. Let me know if you want it!

I haven’t blogged here since June 2010, when I was on my post-grad school graduation trip to Hawaii.

Since I have been wanting to get back to blogging, it seemed only fitting that I start again while I’m in…Hawaii. That’s right, it’s 9 month (!) and I’m back in Hawaii doing much of the same as I was doing in my last post.

So much can happen in 9 months, and while I have not had a baby, I have been busy. Here’s a short list of some of what I’ve done:

• Attended some births and worked with lots of new families
• Celebrated our 5 year relationship and 3 year wedding anniversary
• Found an ND and did a detox
• Had my dad, brother and a good friend come and help us with (more) house renovations – big projects included exterior painting and attic insulation
• C and I took our second trip to England and had my life-long dream trip to Scotland with my Nana (who’s from there)
• Had some really fun house guests
• Actually worked pretty consistently with a combination of birth and postpartum
• Attended an amazing (and local) breastfeeding conference
• Experienced an unexpected change in our household income
• Considered leaving dou.la work and pursing a stable job
• Started individual counseling to help with stress
• Decided to reinvest (mentally, emotionally and time-wise) in my business and see what happens
• Attended a dou.la marketing bootcamp and made some changes
• Changed my business structure to an llc, for peace of mind and a mental shift
• D.C. trip to nanny for former clients (travel + money!)
• Turned 28
• Impromptu road trip to California with C (this time with a newer car and no puppy), tons of quality time
• Hawaii trip (currently soaking up sun and enjoying relaxation and fun. I’m hoping this will serve as a savings account toward my anticipated hectic summer to come.)

Since this blog originated as a ttc blog, and then ttc got side-tracked by life, I’m just going to say that we have no immediate plans to ttc in 2011. I’m not going to let that stop me from blogging though. We’ll see what happens!